Water Doesn't Boil When You're Waiting

Well, water does eventually boil when you're watching (Trust me, I boiled daily like crazy in chemistry lab but thats a very boring story and unless you're trying to go to sleep right now, don't ask about it ).

I'm sure that you either fit into this story somewhere or you know someone who needs to be saved QUICKLY!!!

Picture this, a few weeks back, I connected with a new client (lets call her Shelly) who had come to speak to me about her love life. What was interesting enough was that Shelly wanted to have an open conversation about meeting someone but she insisted that she was in love with a guy named Mike. As we began to talk, I told her that she would meet 2 new potential partners that she'd have to make a choice between them in about 9 weeks. Shelly didn't want to hear that. "What about Mike"? I'm not understanding all of this. She wants to know if she'll meet her Mr. Wonderful but she's still concerned about this guy Mike who's she's been waiting on for well over one year to get himself together? (yes all one breath)
In other words, She wanted me to confirm to her that Mike was her Soulmate and that they'd live happily ever after if she just "waited" just a little bit longer (it's only been a year of her life so far).
This Mike did have potential. If only he'd end his engagement, move out of his home that he shared with "HER" and jumped into what Shelly thought was a more loving situation than he could ever dream of ::sigh::

As we're heading into fall time, I mentioned to her that she'd be invited to many social functions where she's supposed to be either introduced to or connect with in some form or fashion these two men. The problem is, Shelly really didn't want to go to any social engagements, she wanted to discuss Mike and wondered how long exactly would it take for him to realize that she was the better person for him.
How long would it take for him to jump out of his situation and start a new situation with her?
She after all thought that she deserved to have a man who loved and cherished her, wanted nothing but to spend his life with her, because in her eyes,she was the better person.
She wanted to take Mike around her friends as they often did coupled off dinner dates, she wanted Mike to be home when she got there and she was determined to wait for him (she said she'd give this one more year and at this time I'm wondering why didn't she just wait one more year to seek me out ?)
During the wait with Mike, she says that I've convinced her to consider being open to meeting someone new (Yes this can be a bit mind numbing but please follow along... I do.all the time!)
Also, with all of this. she would still like to know if there would be a a wedding in her immediate future ( Secretly hoping that I would say "Yes and with Mike!!" and yes, conversations like this really happen in real life)

I told Shelly that she'd meet 2 potential longterm mates within 9 weeks of our conversation, "as soon as the season turns into fall Shelly", she would need to accept her invitations as the Social escapades would be her ticket to love. She'd be able to meet someone who was free and open to date her, get to know her and want to spend a lot of his free time with her. Shelly got excited!! She said that she missed dancing, going out, having couples nights with her friends who were already involved. Honestly just having a constant companion who she could share her life with.
"BUT WHAT ABOUT MIKE ? WHEN DO YOU THINK HE'LL BE READY TO PROVIDE MORE OF WHAT I WANT ??" << didn't you just ask me when you would meet a potential longterm companion? Shelly didn't want any of those things if they did not include Mike going out with her, doing couple things, sharing his life with her. The problem is. Mike was already doing all of those desires of Shelly, just not with her. Now I'm not one to cast judgement on anyone and in my line of work, I've seen a mistress nab her guy and they live happily ever after. The truth of the matter is many times over, this situation never works. While Shelly was constantly waiting on Mike, she's already planning on missing out on social engagements because she refuses to do them alone. Missing out on meeting men who would be potential mates because she wants those nights to be with the man she's already waited on for one year.. Missing out on having a great social night with friends. Networking or just painting the town red.. This is what she wants... She wanted me to just say that she would have this..... With Mike! Attitudes begin to rise, I could feel her tension, she's angry because I'm not saying what she wants to hear but what she Needs to hear. I'm ok with that, I can sleep at night. While she's waiting on Water to boil for the next year or so, Mike is doing what he does best, he keeps her waiting

Sometimes the Fantasy may very well be greater than the Reality

Ok this is about to ruffle some feathers but ya know, my name wouldn't be Katrina if I didn't. I can tell you that at least 20% of people that I connect with run into what I would see as a simple problem but beginning to realize that it's not so simple. So lets start with a little story.

Picture this...
On the GOLDEN GIRLS (one of my Absolutely favorite shows of all time.. to the point of watching 3x's per day just to get me through my dark moments) .. you know I actually see myself in all 4 of those characters ? Hmm where was I? Ohhh yes!

Blanche had wanted to sleep with a particular man named HAM (for short) in high school but he would never give her the time of day.She claims that every woman wanted HAM. He was captain of the football team, Was the most gorgeous man there with a beautiful body to match everything so wonderful about him. One day out of the blue, some 40+ years later, he contacts her because he's in Florida and asks could they get together for dinner. Well Blanche was still determined to sleep with this HAM although he was no longer the "Gorgeous man" that she was so hung up on. He actually had put on 200lbs and he was literally a "HAM" in her eyes. Although very unattractive to Blanche, she still wanted him because she had "FANTASIZED" over being with him for so long, she was out to finally fill her quest of being with the one and only HAM.
When HAM explained why he never gave her time in their earlier years, he realized that he had made a mistake and was finally ready to spend the night with Blanche some 40 years later. Well, after Blanche had fantasized over Ham for so long, she realized that once her fantasy could finally come true, it wasn't even worth her time of day. She wasn't even attracted to him but she figured the Fantasy was greater than the reality.

The Moral of the story in "REAL LIFE" issues. Sometimes we go after something that "APPEARS" to be great, loving, affectionate and who would literally put you on cloud nine FOREVER. Sometimes you have to realize that this special person may have only the fantasy portions to offer you and it's not forever.
We get caught up in the fantasy world which is fine, but to make the best decision for you. Know your truth and walk away from something that you know couldn't last past the fantasy :)

Sometimes We're Forced in Directions that We should've found on our own

Have you ever hated a situation that you were in? Here's a story. Picture it, 8 years ago I was hired to teach a course at a college but the problem is that the hours were long. I was a recently divorced, single mom of 2 children and I had to work the hours of 12 PM until 9 PM. Not only was I responsible for teaching the hardest course that the students needed to learn (to take board exams with the state) I was "promoted" to a non paid position newly titled Assistant Director of Education. Talk about dreadful. Towards 4 months into this NEW Position, my body would tense up, I started having these negative thoughts and my blood pressure was to the roof (even though I ran 3 miles per day before work) just two hours into my work schedule.
I realized during my time of agony at this school that surely the universe wouldn't dare want me to grow old here with cheap pay and miss out on life. So I began to manifest a way to depart employment here and still be able to raise my children financially. During the last 2 weeks of my dreadful hours at this particular college, I began to butt heads with my old boss about things that really amounted to nothing. She knew that I was getting tired of working there so she really pressed my buttons. One day she called while I was working just to ask what was going on at the school, if I knew to lock up (I had only been locking up 5 months now) and making sure that I didn't let the night instructors cut their classes early (we had this conversation 100 times as if I was a child). The very last night I was there, My boss called and I couldn't take it any longer. She all of a sudden wanted me to write down everything that I had done during my now 9 hours at this school. So I did. I used POST IT notes to write down every single thing I had done upon entering the school for the day including time and minutes used. I went home that night and typed up a resignation letter that included the following day as my LAST DAY (I know how unprofessional but 2 additional weeks of blood pressure rising wasn't in my cards). As I walked into work with letter in hand, the Director of the School called me to his office and there was my boss with over 100 Post It Sticky Notes. After the Director of the school explained to me how unprofessional the post it notes were he began to ask me if I liked working there. Any person who desperately needed that job (like I did) would've told him yes and with a smile.But I didn't, I kindly said no, I didn't like my position. At this time he proceeds to tell me that I was being let go and he will make sure that my vacation pay was in the mail with my final direct deposit. Can you believe that I had a huge smile on my face? When he asked me what was I about to give him. I kindly said "Ohh this was the resignation letter that I was going to give you but since you've "let me go" I did just gain some sort of unemployment, I need the vacation. I ripped up my resignation letter and skipped out to my car. Well the rest is history and here I am. You see, I was forced into being fired when I should've just resigned myself from the college long before
Many people are in situations like this. Just skating along through life, going to jobs that they hate, continuing into relationships that they know aren't healthy for them. You have to sometimes take a leap of faith and know that you will soon be back on the path that you're supposed to take.