Tis The Season To Face Your Fears

Having to face certain things in our life can be quite scary.. Take me for instance.. The thought of my student loans/payments from all of those long years of college and graduate school causes my heart to skip a beat knowing that I am still having to pay for it.. I hate to see an email from Sallie Mae and will typically wait 9 days to open it only to realize that it's a Privacy Notice Act that was a general piece of mail. Me thinking that they must have compounded more interest onto a loan that I would often pray would just go away.







The same has happened with my Taxes a few times. I recall in 2004 how I had waited until deadline day at 11:30pm to finish up my taxes online.Scared to death that I would owe the IRS AS WELL! SO I waited, and waited, thinking that my 1099's would certainly guarantee an IRS Bill with $3,000k Owed attached. Only to realize that this particular year I actually got back $5000.00. I couldn't believe my Eyes and had to have an accountant verify it. I was looking for cash for my relocation to Chicago and this financial windfall was certainly a surprise.







I have had several sessions where clients were really worried about their homes being foreclosed. They are hesitant to even call their lenders to see what programs that they can qualify for. Afraid to contact them in fright of hearing that the sheriff will be in their homes with an eviction notice. As if a phone call would tip the banker off to remind the eviction department to send out that letter ASAP!, when all the borrower had to do was to place a phone call.



I had constantly reminded one particular client and this stands for the masses. The lenders do not want your home. They are not in the business of emptying homes and sitting on them for months and sometimes years in hopes of selling them. They would rather try to work something out with the borrower in most cases because it costs the banks far more to Foreclose than it does to work something out. There are new programs that are coming out daily.



There are Not for Profit Businesses that are financed through the government to help aid homeowners. Helping them to renegotiate their loans, Modify their loans and even decreasing the amount owed. All one has to do is MAKE A PHONE CALL. Make the first connection and the Universe will do the rest of the walking.







Sometimes our fears just get the best of us. Afraid of being turned down again. Afraid that our problems will not be solved so we're stuck just waiting for the additional stress and the heavy problems to begin. Had she just made the phone call, she would've gotten the same message 8 weeks ago that she got today, "There is a Program that you qualify for. We just need you to fill out some paperwork and we'll go from there" . So that was 8 weeks of stress. Thinking about boxes. Wondering if she was going to qualify for a little studio and feeling depressed because of all that she's worked for was about to go down the drain..







Thank Goodness that she faced her fears by making one simple phone call.

"At Least He Said He Loves Her" One clients thoughts about Ike Turners Love for Tina

Yes! Ike Turner, The Mean Man Machine who swore was the best thing that could have ever happened to Tina.This is the same man that made Tina question her womanhood, her sanity, her life!
"At least He said that He loved Her" This comment would come from one of my special clients

I get situations like this all of the time. A woman who hasn't spoken to her boyfriend in over 4 months has the nerve to get angry at me because she's paid for a session and I didn't tell her that her boyfriend would propose in the upcoming year. Yes, that's right. She hasn't spoken to him in a very long time but she's still banking on getting married to this man because he has never said anything otherwise. Now this is where Common Sense is Not So Common in the World.

Not only does this conversation become a bit exhausting even for me and I do deal with plenty in this realm, I'm bothered that this woman is in her mid 40's and she has gone through the majority of her life so far thinking this way. In a quick judgement, oblivious to the obvious that her man has moved on without her.

As the conversation continue, this particular client wants to tell me that other readers have told her otherwise (aha!) I then have to explain to her, if the other readers told her exactly what she had wanted to hear, what would make her day, she had no reason to come to visit me. Just a Typical Day in my world.


Here are some Common Sense when Sense is not so Common Advice about Dating someone who has filed your head up with false hope.

*Just because you're intimate doesn't constitute a next date, a phone call or even a marriage.

*Just take things for what they are sometimes ? Are we all living in some fantasy notion that when you give something away be it your time, love, or intimate possession that there is a guarantee of something greater in return ? remember sometimes the fantasy is much greater than the reality of the true situation


* If you haven't heard from someone in a very long while, more than likely you weren't that important to him or her.


*Why make someone a priority when they are making you an option ?

*Actions really do speak louder than words! Someone can say that they love you. This person may even be nice but if you aren't feeling it. If you don't see it, then it's almost like not having the love at all. What's the point ?


The point is this. Someone can say anything that you want to hear. Someone like Mr. Turner. Would you believe him if he had a boxing glove on and you had a black eye ?

Relationship Lessons from Childhood Friends Here are two that I admired dearly

When I entered into first grade, the very first friend that I had was Jenny. If many of you had ever thought about my being so interesting, let me tell you, Jenny was the most interesting person to me (now I'm wondering if I was more of a stalker due to me being so in awe of her life). Now it wasn't because she was some part of a freak fest, I think it was her creativity and the type who would dance as if no one was watching. I always thought that she had the coolest life. Her picture drawings always consisted of this signature frame that she would draw around the edges of her papers (see photo below) and whatever subject had needed to be created, of course that was the focal point of her creation. Her lunches always appeared to be from the farmers market and when I met her Folksy/New Age Saints of parents, I finally was able to grasp where Jenny got all of her talent from.

It wasn't until later on in school did I learn that Jenny had a Twin. I used to get mad at her around this time because I would call her name and I thought that she was ignoring me. That was until she said "you're talking about my sister Laura, we're twins." Well That explained it! Two of them, both athletic, both extremely smart, both practical and to watch them together, you could just feel their Souls combined! It wasn't because they were identical twins, it was more than that. They really walked around as best friends Everywhere

We separated during middle school as they went on to a private school however that didn't mean that we weren't able to connect from time to time. Our soccer team would compete with their soccer team. Although our high school team was good, well Jenny and Laura both played so you can imagine what school would take the trophy home.
I did forget to add this Head Swollen Part ::smile:: Jenny and Laura have a younger sister name KATRINA . Yes I remember their mom always saying that she loved my name. Well, when she had the next child she named her after me. Talk about feeling special, this was one that I was proud of!

After high school we all went our separate ways for college. I had lost touch with Jenny and Laura over the years until six months ago. FACEBOOK can be your friend!! We connected. We caught up on what has been happening with each other for the past 17 years and of course how our lives had evolved over the past 30.
Jenny and Laura Still look the same. They both remained who they always have been. They Stayed true to their roots. Both are still runners (Remember they are athletic). Each I believe are on their 9th Marathon (yes unbelievable!! ) and still look the same as the first time that I met both of them. And Katrina. The one who I take pride in her name, has TWINS! ...twins really do run in their family.
Jenny has yet to marry but Laura has and was blessed with a son that she loves deeply. Both have blogs now that I follow every month, it's our way of keeping in touch with each other.
When we finally were able to connect as adults, I realized that they are still those same people (people after I realized that there were 2 of them ha ha) that I had admired from my early years.
Laura recently wrote something on her blog that reminded me to be true to myself as well

When she was speaking about her husband and showing photos of her running the first 5 miles in his marathon (to be supportive and keep him company) She reminded me how close two people can be especially when you have a lot in common. She and her husband met while Running (what they both loved to do) and she reminds us of this everytime she's speaking of their love for each other. They are super happy when her mom (the super Cool Mrs Schmitz) is able to come for a visit and baby sit so that they can run together and without the stroller (but the baby goes on a jog ride frequently as well) It's apart of them. What they share, their common interest. Their relationship brought back a lesson that I too had forgotten
I was in a relationship for quite a few years. Unfortunately we hadn't met doing what I love to do which was go dancing ( my passion is  Salsa but I had a strong desire to learn to Tango.) My passion for Jazz or my love for symphony (due to me playing with one). My love and interest for outdoor activities, or my interest in exercising for health benefits
My guy and I didn't share many of those physical interest. Those that would include 2 adults outside of the homes were far and in between.

Don't get me wrong, we were great about discussing a TV show, a political view or a common "save the world" movement but the passionate things that I was interested in, I don't think he ever paid attention to those and the things that he was passionate about outside of home, I really couldn't be apart of. Supportive yes, apart of no.
Laura reminded me how important it is to grow old with the person that you share common interest in. No one wants to be in a relationship alone.

I get a ton of relationship questions on the subject of, "will he ever want to hang out with me and not with his friends so much. Will he ever want to go out with me ?
"To thy own self be true"
The best person to connect with is someone that is either open to enjoying your interest as you are theirs. Someone who shares your same interest so that there isn't a struggle. Someone who wants to get to know your passions as you shouldn't give them up for a person. I did, and guess what ? I never got to go dancing not after all of those years.

I' like to thank Laura for her life lesson, even I get caught up in life to the point of me losing myself. I'm sure many of you have experienced this at some point in time.
When you involve yourself with someone who shares your passions, your views or at least open to sharing, giving and receiving, Relationships aren't so hard. The ones where you feel constantly alone, are. Life is too short.

 

Ode To Jennys Signature Frame!

They still Look the Same! Just curly/shorter hair and still Fabulous! but they would never use a word such as that. They are extremely humble people. Love them!  Thats Jenny on the Left, Laura on the Right

Hocus Pocus Let me Focus.......... a Recipe for Love :)

Well, If some of you didn't know, my roots are from Louisiana...the most Southern part where My Grandma Bessie Malone raised Hens and Chickens, My Uncle T grew sugar Cane (and still does by the way)and my Grandma Clydia Mae made her grandchildren (including me) shell "purple hull peas"(crowder peas) by the black lawn bags full that caused our fingers to turn purple for days.
Oh, Lets not forget those "Sanctified" Churches and Revival every single day of the week (Good Lawd!).With the heavy Southern Baptist Churches surrounding Jonesboro, there were areas that we were NOT to go to. The Witch Doctors, The Black Magic Practitioner, That African Man who lived "Up there in Hodge." all due to "God doesn't like that stuff" So we didn't, we still don't and I haven't met anyone in our family who has yet to visit one of them.
One of the reasons that we were forbidden to get into Voodoo is that when you believe something so strong, it will happen! It's all apart of "The Secret" plan, when one manifests things it will happen. There will be forces working to create magic! This doesn't mean you FORCE someone to come to you. Can you imagine looking to bring someone back to you who wanted to walk away from you?? You want someone who wants to be with you on their own right ?

Well, I don't have a recipe that causes for you to hold a rabbit foot around your neck for one month or boil the hair of a long lost love so that he or she will come back to you but I do have something that has seemed to work.
Are you ready for it?
If you are looking for love, you've been single for a long time or you are just tired of dating and want that special person to come to you........
Try my Recipe that has change non believers into believers (well at least most have admitted that love came soon after but yet to admit the recipe helped
Try it and let me know how it goes after 6 weeks :)

Before you add these items to a list, please be extremely true to yourself as you only have 5 items so you have to be specific.


The Recipe goes as follows

Take a Square 4 x 4 or 6 x 6 piece of paper (preferably a paper bag)
Write down 4 most important things that you want in a mate (remember no one is perfect so the things that you must have)
Fold it up 3 times
Put it in the right corner of your underwear Drawer and leave it there
When that special person crosses your path, open up your list, see if those items fit the bill :)

When I said be specific. For me it was someone who was 1. Family Orientated (I had 2 children from a Divorce that I was raising alone) 2. Super Smart (I had to be with someone who liked current events) 3. Faithful and 4. Easy on the eye (but I didn't want someone that I had to compete with in the mirror) and 5. Someone who Really was into me (Not just the good stuff but who thought I was beautiful on my worst looking day)

Well, please try the recipe, It wouldn't hurt to just try and by all means let me know how it worked out ;)

Water Doesn't Boil When You're Waiting

Well, water does eventually boil when you're watching (Trust me, I boiled daily like crazy in chemistry lab but thats a very boring story and unless you're trying to go to sleep right now, don't ask about it ).

I'm sure that you either fit into this story somewhere or you know someone who needs to be saved QUICKLY!!!

Picture this, a few weeks back, I connected with a new client (lets call her Shelly) who had come to speak to me about her love life. What was interesting enough was that Shelly wanted to have an open conversation about meeting someone but she insisted that she was in love with a guy named Mike. As we began to talk, I told her that she would meet 2 new potential partners that she'd have to make a choice between them in about 9 weeks. Shelly didn't want to hear that. "What about Mike"? I'm not understanding all of this. She wants to know if she'll meet her Mr. Wonderful but she's still concerned about this guy Mike who's she's been waiting on for well over one year to get himself together? (yes all one breath)
In other words, She wanted me to confirm to her that Mike was her Soulmate and that they'd live happily ever after if she just "waited" just a little bit longer (it's only been a year of her life so far).
This Mike did have potential. If only he'd end his engagement, move out of his home that he shared with "HER" and jumped into what Shelly thought was a more loving situation than he could ever dream of ::sigh::

As we're heading into fall time, I mentioned to her that she'd be invited to many social functions where she's supposed to be either introduced to or connect with in some form or fashion these two men. The problem is, Shelly really didn't want to go to any social engagements, she wanted to discuss Mike and wondered how long exactly would it take for him to realize that she was the better person for him.
How long would it take for him to jump out of his situation and start a new situation with her?
She after all thought that she deserved to have a man who loved and cherished her, wanted nothing but to spend his life with her, because in her eyes,she was the better person.
She wanted to take Mike around her friends as they often did coupled off dinner dates, she wanted Mike to be home when she got there and she was determined to wait for him (she said she'd give this one more year and at this time I'm wondering why didn't she just wait one more year to seek me out ?)
During the wait with Mike, she says that I've convinced her to consider being open to meeting someone new (Yes this can be a bit mind numbing but please follow along... I do.all the time!)
Also, with all of this. she would still like to know if there would be a a wedding in her immediate future ( Secretly hoping that I would say "Yes and with Mike!!" and yes, conversations like this really happen in real life)

I told Shelly that she'd meet 2 potential longterm mates within 9 weeks of our conversation, "as soon as the season turns into fall Shelly", she would need to accept her invitations as the Social escapades would be her ticket to love. She'd be able to meet someone who was free and open to date her, get to know her and want to spend a lot of his free time with her. Shelly got excited!! She said that she missed dancing, going out, having couples nights with her friends who were already involved. Honestly just having a constant companion who she could share her life with.
"BUT WHAT ABOUT MIKE ? WHEN DO YOU THINK HE'LL BE READY TO PROVIDE MORE OF WHAT I WANT ??" << didn't you just ask me when you would meet a potential longterm companion? Shelly didn't want any of those things if they did not include Mike going out with her, doing couple things, sharing his life with her. The problem is. Mike was already doing all of those desires of Shelly, just not with her. Now I'm not one to cast judgement on anyone and in my line of work, I've seen a mistress nab her guy and they live happily ever after. The truth of the matter is many times over, this situation never works. While Shelly was constantly waiting on Mike, she's already planning on missing out on social engagements because she refuses to do them alone. Missing out on meeting men who would be potential mates because she wants those nights to be with the man she's already waited on for one year.. Missing out on having a great social night with friends. Networking or just painting the town red.. This is what she wants... She wanted me to just say that she would have this..... With Mike! Attitudes begin to rise, I could feel her tension, she's angry because I'm not saying what she wants to hear but what she Needs to hear. I'm ok with that, I can sleep at night. While she's waiting on Water to boil for the next year or so, Mike is doing what he does best, he keeps her waiting

Sometimes the Fantasy may very well be greater than the Reality

Ok this is about to ruffle some feathers but ya know, my name wouldn't be Katrina if I didn't. I can tell you that at least 20% of people that I connect with run into what I would see as a simple problem but beginning to realize that it's not so simple. So lets start with a little story.

Picture this...
On the GOLDEN GIRLS (one of my Absolutely favorite shows of all time.. to the point of watching 3x's per day just to get me through my dark moments) .. you know I actually see myself in all 4 of those characters ? Hmm where was I? Ohhh yes!

Blanche had wanted to sleep with a particular man named HAM (for short) in high school but he would never give her the time of day.She claims that every woman wanted HAM. He was captain of the football team, Was the most gorgeous man there with a beautiful body to match everything so wonderful about him. One day out of the blue, some 40+ years later, he contacts her because he's in Florida and asks could they get together for dinner. Well Blanche was still determined to sleep with this HAM although he was no longer the "Gorgeous man" that she was so hung up on. He actually had put on 200lbs and he was literally a "HAM" in her eyes. Although very unattractive to Blanche, she still wanted him because she had "FANTASIZED" over being with him for so long, she was out to finally fill her quest of being with the one and only HAM.
When HAM explained why he never gave her time in their earlier years, he realized that he had made a mistake and was finally ready to spend the night with Blanche some 40 years later. Well, after Blanche had fantasized over Ham for so long, she realized that once her fantasy could finally come true, it wasn't even worth her time of day. She wasn't even attracted to him but she figured the Fantasy was greater than the reality.

The Moral of the story in "REAL LIFE" issues. Sometimes we go after something that "APPEARS" to be great, loving, affectionate and who would literally put you on cloud nine FOREVER. Sometimes you have to realize that this special person may have only the fantasy portions to offer you and it's not forever.
We get caught up in the fantasy world which is fine, but to make the best decision for you. Know your truth and walk away from something that you know couldn't last past the fantasy :)

Sometimes We're Forced in Directions that We should've found on our own

Have you ever hated a situation that you were in? Here's a story. Picture it, 8 years ago I was hired to teach a course at a college but the problem is that the hours were long. I was a recently divorced, single mom of 2 children and I had to work the hours of 12 PM until 9 PM. Not only was I responsible for teaching the hardest course that the students needed to learn (to take board exams with the state) I was "promoted" to a non paid position newly titled Assistant Director of Education. Talk about dreadful. Towards 4 months into this NEW Position, my body would tense up, I started having these negative thoughts and my blood pressure was to the roof (even though I ran 3 miles per day before work) just two hours into my work schedule.
I realized during my time of agony at this school that surely the universe wouldn't dare want me to grow old here with cheap pay and miss out on life. So I began to manifest a way to depart employment here and still be able to raise my children financially. During the last 2 weeks of my dreadful hours at this particular college, I began to butt heads with my old boss about things that really amounted to nothing. She knew that I was getting tired of working there so she really pressed my buttons. One day she called while I was working just to ask what was going on at the school, if I knew to lock up (I had only been locking up 5 months now) and making sure that I didn't let the night instructors cut their classes early (we had this conversation 100 times as if I was a child). The very last night I was there, My boss called and I couldn't take it any longer. She all of a sudden wanted me to write down everything that I had done during my now 9 hours at this school. So I did. I used POST IT notes to write down every single thing I had done upon entering the school for the day including time and minutes used. I went home that night and typed up a resignation letter that included the following day as my LAST DAY (I know how unprofessional but 2 additional weeks of blood pressure rising wasn't in my cards). As I walked into work with letter in hand, the Director of the School called me to his office and there was my boss with over 100 Post It Sticky Notes. After the Director of the school explained to me how unprofessional the post it notes were he began to ask me if I liked working there. Any person who desperately needed that job (like I did) would've told him yes and with a smile.But I didn't, I kindly said no, I didn't like my position. At this time he proceeds to tell me that I was being let go and he will make sure that my vacation pay was in the mail with my final direct deposit. Can you believe that I had a huge smile on my face? When he asked me what was I about to give him. I kindly said "Ohh this was the resignation letter that I was going to give you but since you've "let me go" I did just gain some sort of unemployment, I need the vacation. I ripped up my resignation letter and skipped out to my car. Well the rest is history and here I am. You see, I was forced into being fired when I should've just resigned myself from the college long before
Many people are in situations like this. Just skating along through life, going to jobs that they hate, continuing into relationships that they know aren't healthy for them. You have to sometimes take a leap of faith and know that you will soon be back on the path that you're supposed to take.